There was a Cubs pitcher named Schlitter
Paid to retire big league hitters
But he failed at this task
At Triple-A he did bask
So the Cubs sent him off to the Sh!tter
I wrote a number of failure limericks about Brian Schlitter during the 2014 Cubs season, which I hope will go down as the final year of their awfulness. The word that he is being designated for assignment–basically let go if nobody else wants to trade for him–makes me sad, a little bit. He had the most limerick-worthy name I have ever seen, and I’m not sure who will take his place in this regard. So this was my parting limerick, and it comes with the hope that wherever he pitches next, someone will recognize the limerickability of his name. I think I just created a word there, too!